Leaving and Arriving Gracefully

People with ADD don't leave their homes very well. Or arrive at wherever's next very well. We leave in a flurry of frustration and confusion, and show up sweaty, late, searching our pockets, cursing about what's been left behind (and was it left or lost along the way?), and once again, as usual, in the headspace of "what is wrong with me?"

It doesn't matter what's special about us, or what it's like for other people to leave their homes and arrive at their appointments. What matters is solving the problem that they created for us.

And here's how to solve it:

1. Know how long it will take to get there. Evaluate your level of familiarity with the trip and add extra time according to any uncertainty.
2. Know how long it will take you to get your shit together. Things like going to the bathroom, having a drink of water, checking e-mails one last time, taking a look around to make sure everything is ready for you to not be there, all take a certain amount of time. When you're leaving for somewhere without a time deadline, make note of how long, on average, this process takes.
3. Take your travel time and preparation time, add them up, and set yourself an alarm or just keep that time in your head. Watch the clock. During the time before leaving, don't start anything that can't be finished or put away in a minute. Don't take phone calls during this time, for example. Maybe make a list of the things that you want to start on so you'll have something to come back to when you do have the chance, and you won't be trying to keep track of a bunch of loose ends while you're out.
4. Pre-leave. You can never tell how long it'll take to get ready to go. Half the things you need are probably lost and need finding, and the other half are probably dirty or not ready, and about half of each of these categories will remind you of something you need to take care of before you can leave. Go through the whole process long in advance of your departure time. Go through all the motions, including leaving your location, locking behind you, and walking around the block or something. Think about what you're going to be doing so that you'll be reminded of anything that you haven't already packed. Get a sense of whether your outfit is appropriate for the weather and your mood.
5. Come back inside ask yourself: am I hungry? Am I thirsty? Do I look the way I think I look?
6. Then do whatever the fuck you want to do until your cutoff time.

This approach really takes all the stress out of coming and going. It also makes me realize how stressed out just moving from one place to another is when it's last-minute or rushed or whatever.

And here are some handy rules to keep from getting screwed over by a transition from one location to another:

1. Don't do things at the spur of the moment or at the last minute, unless that's the mood you're in and you know you didn't already have other stuff lined up. Trust your instincts on this one - your subconscious has the facts that you don't have access to moment-to-moment the way other people do. They'll immediately remember some tiny detail that makes a sudden change of plans a bad idea, but you'll just feel like something's wrong.
2. Go through a phase of recording your daily activities and their start and end times. When you keep doing something that you're already doing and add on another simultaneous activity, just note that it was added to the current activity. Achieve a balance in your notes between them being too general or too specific. Include whether an activity felt rushed or if it was dragging along so that you can confidently adjust your mental estimates of how long any given thing is likely to take.
3. Give yourself the right amount of time not only for each activity you plan to do, but for each transition between activities, and the breaks needed at the beginning and end of each transition. Instead of applying some overly general rule like "give everything twice as much time as it seems like," get to know how long it takes for you to regroup, relax and transition from one thing to the next.
4. When you're about to change locations, like leaving work to go home, give yourself a break before you actually start moving, and in a venue that is between the transitional environment and the previous environment. For example, leave the office, walk your bike to the nearest public bench, and chill out there for a few minutes. This will let you refocus on your new environment: the streets and people between your work and your home. It'll also give you a chance to write down any loose ends you left at work, and anything you'll want to remind yourself of any priorities you may need to address either on the way or once you arrive at your destination. Once you arrive in front of your place, again, take a minute to relax after your journey and before entering. Again, write down anything that you remembered on the journey. Take advantage of this moment to do things like check your mail and notice any environmental changes that have gone on in front of your place (like the garbage bin you forgot to take inside) and the condition of your dwelling.
5. Your estimates of how long it takes to get somewhere are probably based on very rushed trips in the past. Double those times, relax, and take advantage of being early by taking your "post-travel, pre-next-activity" break.
6. Give yourself less to do each day. Don't try to cram things in, spread them out into the coming days and weeks. That way you'll have an increasing amount of time to prepare for these things and build an efficient schedule. You can line things up to optimize travel time. You can combine activities and social engagements. You can even combine projects at work - do one project that serves two different clients or put together one report that you can hand in to for two different assignments.

It's easy to build these steps into your life, and it cuts out most of the visible manifestations of our disability. It can also reduce the risk of cardiovascular or neurological stress-based injuries! This is something that's really pronounced in those with ADD, so we have to be extra careful to extend our lifetimes by reducing stress.